Don't Be Fatuous, Pork Chop

Silly pork chop, I already made a gravy last time. You're right, this one would be prepared slightly different, but I'm thinking more of glazing you. Wouldn't you like a nice sauce to lie with? What's that?...you want it to be memorable? You're already getting a blog post what's more memor...oh...you say you demand a sweet sauce. Between the two of us, pork chop, you're in no position to demand anything. You're uncooked, already dead, and been manhandled by a number of butchers on your trip to my cutting board. You're about to be trimmed of that fat and slowly reaching a state in which no one could ever love you if not cooked soon. Demand you say? Well let me check the cabinets. How about this:

That's right we're talking the king of dried cranberries. These babies make the snacking process a downright pleasure. Oh pork chop, you're about to enter a euphoric state of affairs. So here's what I was thinking to go with you.

You, pork chop, and three of your brothers
1/2 tsp each of salt, pepper, garlic powder, mixed together
1 medium onion sliced and separated into rings
1/3 cup + 1 TBSP water
1 TBSP brown sugar
1 tsp corn starch
1 tsp corn oil
3 TBSP balsamic vinegar
1/4 cup orange flavored cranberries

So pork chop let's trim that fat and sprinkle you and your buddies with the seasoning mixture. Now let's get you all cooking on medium high heat after heating up the corn oil. When you're all done, take a rest off to the side and keep warm. But, before I do, smile!
Wait, what? You want some buddies? OMFG pork chop! You wait this long to tell me you must have more than a sauce?! Dazzle me, you say. Ah hell pork chop, you're so needy. I'll see what I can do, so just relax.

Now for your sauce. First let's drop the heat back to medium low, about 3 on a 1-10 scale. I'll put the onion and 1 TBSP water in the pan with your juices and cook the onions until they start to brown, stirring periodically. Then I'll toss the brown sugar in and stir until it dissolves, about a minute. Next here comes the rest of the water, balsamic vinegar, and cornstarch. Once stirring that together, I'll add the king in all his glory. Stirring frequently, I'll get your sauce up to the beginning a glaze. I know it's coming to this because it's getting bubbly and thick. Now, pork chop, it's time for you and your buddies to meet the sauce I've prepared for you. Ahhh, you like that don't you. Feels good. OK settle down pork chop. It's time for you to see what I was doing as your surprise.
Give up? They're plantains! Aside from the fact that they're a bitch to get out of their peel when they're actually ripe, they're very good just grilled up. They turn into these sweet little chips that go well with many things. What you see is a live action shot of them in the grill pan. It's a shame they had to bend over and take it because you're being super lame about wanting a partner. So pork chop, I'll present you to the world.